A Weighing Issue

It's not a secret that my family and I love food.  Most activities are, if not centered around food, involve food.  And I have made the mistake of even rewarding my kids with food, this is such a BAD habit.  I know full well my choices of what I put in my body are not the wisest, and I am pretty certain I have already passed this on to my kids.  While some of their favorites are broccoli, cucumbers, and all manner of fresh fruits, I still find that there is a pull to the wrong choices in foods, if there is a Pop Tart in the house, they will just about fight over it (so not cool). 

I have been struggling more than ever since Faith was born than even to loose the weight that I gained with her.  Hugely, but not solely because of my "woman's health issues" after her.  It got to be where it was really just depressing and not feeling good for 3 out of 4 weeks every month just didn't allow me to exercise like I need to.  Those issues got worse and worse until my hysterectomy in May, this year.  I know I didn't post much (really, not at all) about that, but it was kind of hard to know how much I really felt comfortable putting out there for anyone to read.  The type of hysterectomy I had, they left my ovaries, something about menopause and cancer, so I was good with that, the major problems were still solved with this surgery.

Since surgery, I have been on this road to recovery that has been going a lot faster than I had anticipated.  First of all, I had a robotic surgery which left me with only four tiny scars, one of which is in my belly button and you really can't see, and the other three that you can barely see and don't look any worse than the stretch marks my four babies left me with.  I did not react well to anesthesia, that's an understatement, I reacted HORRIBLY to it!  The rest of it, not too bad, but it does seem that I react badly to all things hospital, including the blood pressure cuff that left rashes on my arms.  Pain?  I did experience some pretty intense pain from GAS, of all things!  But, from the surgery itself, not much really, just very tired.  Once I hit six weeks out, I have been doing great!

Another factor for my weight...from a very young age I have been on some sort of medication for depression (I've had struggles), also I was on some form of birth control (problems with my cycle and cysts on my ovaries), which I now know has a very bad effect on me hormonally.  I have been off the birth control and also not taking any other medications for a year now, I really have not had the emotional issues that I had dealt with for so many years.  Are they connected?  I definitely believe so.  Since my surgery, I feel just like I have just had a baby, including, high-strung emotions, bouts of depression, hair loss, weak nails, my skin is all oily, dry and acne ridden (this is really crappy).  When I hit 6 weeks, my emotions leveled off A LOT (praise the Lord!).

I'm not going to say that I'm a big person by nature (or how I was made), because I think that may give me an excuse for the way I look now.  I'm a smaller person my the standard of my immediate family (I'm short, okay!), at only 5 foot 6 inches (if I stand up really tall), my BMI (which is not something I base much on) in hovering around 36.5, and at that high number, even if I don't necessarily believe it to always be accurate, this is really NOT a good thing my any standard.  I also want to be very clear, I DO NOT base my personal views of myself off the views of the world on me.  I look at pictures of myself and see what's in the mirror and even if there was not a full length mirror in the house, I don't feel good (I didn't say I don't feel good about myself, I said, I don't feel good-there is a difference),I'm not gonna lie though, the self-esteem has not been the highest for the past couple weeks.

So in the past few days 5 things have occurred to me:
1) I eat like a medication A LOT-if I'm bored, depressed, worried, stressed, I put something in my mouth.
2) My choices in what I eat and drink are HORRIBLE! Including all sorts of sweets, white sugars, white flours and that corn syrup crap is in too much of what I eat.  My choices in beverages is back to bad again- after my surgery, I gave up pop for several weeks, but I have slowly begun to drink more and more again, diet pop too, so that's BAD.
3) My relationship with Christ, my Savior is NOT what it should be (or used to be), this makes me sad, it has lead to dependence on Rob to "fulfill me" which is very unhealthy for our marriage (it didn't used to be that way, I found my identity only in Christ).
4) I am doing WAY TOO MUCH "people pleasing" with my kids (they have figured this out and seem to make a point of exploiting it). 
5) I have no consistency, and very little intentionality to my living (this is a very self-destructive way to live for me!)

Those 5 things are really why I'm where I'm at now in my life and I don't like where I'm at, so it's time to change.  So I guess the point to this post is to come "clean" and get "real" with everyone and then I will have people to hold me accountable, I know I am not going to get grilled by you all about my choices, but if I put it out there, and I know that even a few people will be reading my posted updates, then I will be more likely to keep on the right track.

I refuse to use a "fad diet", diet supplements or use an exercise routine that makes me dread it, because, I won't be enjoying it, I won't keep it up and therefore, no life changes will be made.  I don't want a "quick fix", I want LIFE changes.  While I would like to be drastic in these changes in my life, it will probably be more gradual, but I hope that in a year, I will really be able to see a difference when I look back (and in the mirror!).  Maybe if any of these reasons are why you are struggling through life, I would pray that I might encourage you to make a change too. 

So, I have some goals to make now, because, like I said, this won't probably be a drastic change, more gradual, I am going to make just a few goals and add more later.   These are the 5 areas I am going to focus on right now and the dates that I want them to be consistent:
1) With God- I will have a quiet time alone with Him at least 4 days each week.  Consistent by July 27, 2012.
2) In Health- I will exercise at least 4 times a week.  I will cut back white pasta, white rice and white breads to once a week, cut out pop all together and cut back sweets to once a week (this worked great for me before and I didn't feel deprived of foods I really like). Consistent by July 13, 2012.
3) In Weight Loss- (This is kind of a proof of #2) I will loose 7 pounds per month, this should be attainable for me. Consistent by September 28, 2012.
4) With Rob- I will have one date night per week with him (even if it's just a night of "face time" at home).  Consistent by July 27, 2012.
5) With Kids- I will start implementing "Have a New Kid By Friday" EVERYDAY (I HAVE to have consistency here!).  Consistent by July 27, 2012.  I have been reading this book off and on for awhile now, and it's SO HARD to implement when you have the issue (that I have) of wanting to please your kids! I will post more about the methods of this book at a later date.

Now with making goals like these I HAVE to recognize the obstacles that will come with trying to make these changes, they are the kids and their demands, fatigue, a busy schedule, money constraints, laziness, and peer pressures.  The way I WILL OVERCOME these is by going to bed earlier, getting up earlier, scheduling my days, planning ahead, and PRAYER!

Even if you choose to never comment, and I don't ever know who you are, I am committing to pray for you in your life and how what I post might impact you.  This is an adventure that I am actually very excited (and a little scared) about and even though I know, that it will be much like climbing a mountain, and I will go through a few valleys and over very rocky terrain, the view will be amazing when I get to the top!  You could come too, if you want to!  Why don't you make 5 goals in 5 areas of your life to start changing your life this week.